The very first thing I thought when I saw the positive pregnancy test was
"This can't be right. Is this test expired?"
After several more tests, I became convinced that there was no mistake and my next thought was,
"Oh, no. How is this going to affect our adoption plans?!"
After years of trying to conceive a baby, it's hard to believe that I felt a little disappointed when it finally happened. Not that I wasn't grateful for this miracle pregnancy and not that I didn't want this biological child, but I was afraid the timing might interfere with us bringing home our OTHER child. The one who was already on our minds and in our hearts. I didn't want anything to stand in our way, not even this precious new life within me.
I was also concerned about how Michael would react when I told him the news. I know he is completely on board with the adoption, but I also know that having a biological child was much more important to him than it ever was to me. I've always said I would gladly adopt all of my children and I absolutely meant it. For some reason I don't have that biological drive to reproduce and pass on my genes. I think there are things that I can give my children that are far more important than genetics. Things like love, acceptance, knowledge, faith, morals, traditions and memories. I often wondered if God had placed those feelings in me as a way to protect my heart because He knew we would be unable to have biological children. Apparently not. :)
Over the past year or so as we've been researching and preparing for our adoption, Michael has joined my way of thinking and he agrees that you can absolutely leave your mark on this world and leave a part of yourself in the children you raise, whether or not they share your DNA. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I always wondered if he really felt as strongly as I do about adoption, or if he was just going along with it because it was the only option it seemed we had. After all, we had spent years trying to conceive and had no indication that it was ever going to happen.
When Michael found out that a biological child was on the way, would it change the way he felt about our adoption?
All I could do was say a prayer and hope for the best.
I took the pregnancy tests in the morning, while Michael was in the shower. I was in complete shock, with absolutely no idea how to tell him, so I climbed back in bed and didn't say anything when he kissed me goodbye and headed out to do the grocery shopping.
While he was gone, I had time to come up with a plan to tell him the news. I decided to secretly videotape his reaction. I don't know if I'll ever have another opportunity to tell him I'm pregnant, so I wanted to capture the moment. I set up a small camera on the kitchen counter and luckily he didn't notice it.
A good friend of ours had been in the hospital for several weeks and I had been taking care of her cats every weekend. I was aware that there can be dangerous toxins in cat litter and pregnant women should avoid it, so I decided to use that as my way to tell Mike the news, since I needed to take care of the cats that day.
I would ask him to change the cat litter for me and I was sure he would resist, as it would interfere with his plans. I expected there to be a bit of an argument and at some point he would ask me why I couldn't just do it myself and I would tell him. :)
Right after he left for the store, I got online and found a due date calculator.
4th of July.
I couldn't believe it.
I wrote on my stomach
"Baby # 1, expected arrival July 4, 2013"
so that I could lift up my shirt and show Mike when I gave him the news.
Here's how it went:
I have watched this video again and again and I always get emotional when Mike says,
"We're still adopting. How cool will that be to have TWO?!"
Apparently my fears were completely unfounded.
It didn't even cross his mind that we wouldn't still have a Chinese daughter.
His reaction was all I could have ever hoped for and I am so glad I was able to capture it so that someday we can show our little girl that when her daddy found out a biological child was on the way, the first thing he thought of was HER.
She is wanted and chosen and she will be loved and treasured as much as any biological child.
Our Chinese daughter is so much a part of our daily conversations and our plans for the future that it's nearly impossible to picture our family without her. She's already a part of us and we wouldn't have it any other way.
So, as family and friends continue to find out we are having a biological child, the first question we are asked is almost always the same.
"Are you still planning to adopt?"
And I am thrilled to be able to answer the same each time.
"Of course we are!!!"
